Category Archives: Life

Blogger’s block

As you may or may not have noticed, I’ve been struggling a bit with this blog lately. It’s partly because I’m still not feeling well. It’s partly because I’ve taken on some freelance work, which is draining my creative reserves.

So I wanted to ask you for some guidance. What kind of topics would you like to read about at Living Well on Less? In the past year, I’ve shifted this blog away from its finance focus somewhat, and I began writing about health, happiness, and simplicity. If there’s a topic you’d like to see here, now’s the time to let me know! I’d much appreciate any ideas you can throw my way as I work my way out of this bit of blogger’s block.

Busy weekend

My weekend started with my best friend’s wedding on Friday. Sunday we went to a cookout with Tony’s family, where I finally met some of his out of town relatives who I’ve never had a chance to meet. Today we’re headed to my parents’ house for a Labor Day cookout.

All of this travel and socializing is exhausting, which is why I haven’t had time to update. But we’ll be back tomorrow, and I’ll have time for blogging then.

I hope you all have a safe and relaxing Labor Day!

Photo by myklroventine

99 days to go (give or take a few)

My estimated due date is fewer than 100 days away. It’s unlikely that I’ll deliver on my due date — most women don’t. It’s also highly possible that I’ll deliver after my due date — most women do for their first baby. But this still feels like a milestone, and these days, I’ll take what I can get when it comes to encouragement.

It seems like such a short amount of time considering all that I have left to do. The “nursery” is still filled with boxes of office supplies that we don’t know what to do with. I’ve collected a few odds and ends here and there (cloth diapers and clothing mostly), but we don’t have any of the furniture or anything else. Ever since I found out I’m pregnant, I’ve been telling myself I have plenty of time. But that time is starting to run short.

In honor of this “milestone,” I thought I’d share what we have done and what’s left to do. Hopefully it’ll motivate us to get moving.

Done

We registered for birth classes beginning in October. We’ll be taking a Childbirth Preparation class at the hospital. I also signed up for infant/child CPR and a breastfeeding class.
I ordered the HypnoBabies home study course back in June, but I’ll finally start in mid-September when I’m close to 30 weeks. Kacie will be taking the course with me so we can be study buddies. HypnoBabies isn’t as kooky as it sounds. It’s a natural-birth course that teaches women to manage pain through guided meditation and relaxation techniques instead of pain meds. I did a lot of research before I chose this program, and women who’ve used it say the methods they learned really did help them stay relaxed and manage their pain without medication. We’ll see!
We completed a registry, and our families are planning to throw us two baby showers. Yay! We kept our registry pretty small, because I’m really trying to keep the amount of stuff we cram into our apartment to a minimum. Both showers will be held in the middle of October, so that’ll give us plenty of time to buy what we still need after the showers before the baby comes.
We’ve picked up a few items here and there. I’ve started my cloth diaper stash, and we have several items of clothing that we’ve picked up or our families have picked up for us. Tony’s grandmother loves to shop yard sales, and she says she’s bought a ton of clothing for us there.
We’re 95% settled on a name for our little boy, but we’re keeping it a secret until his birth day.

To Do

Right now, the nursery is a depository for office supplies and other stuff we don’t have a place for. We need turn it into an actual nursery.
We still need to get pretty much everything we’ll need for the baby.
Since no one in our families used cloth diapers, I’m not anticipating that any of them will feel comfortable enough to order diapers for us. So we’ll have to finish up our stash in the next couple months.
I’ve been reading and preparing for a natural birth, but I still have a couple books I’d like to finish.
Several years ago, I started working on a hand quilt that I still haven’t finished. I want to finish that and turn my wedding gown into a baby quilt this fall.
We need to make some decisions about the birth and create a birth plan for my midwives and the nurses attending my delivery.

It’s going to be a busy few months, especially October. Our baby showers and all three of our classes are taking place in October. But I’m so excited that we’re finally getting to the fun parts! Hopefully December will be here before we know it.

Photo by miiitch

I’m not knocking luxury

So. Hmm. That last post was a little misunderstood, I think.

Let me clarify. I’m not saying I don’t indulge in life’s luxuries. My husband and I didn’t choose to live frugally so we could sit in an empty room counting all of the money we’ve saved. We chose to life frugally, count every penny, and save when we can so we can afford some of life’s luxuries without putting ourselves into debt.

Case in point: Last May, after saving for three years, we finally took our vacation to Europe. We had a blast (despite the fact that I was 10-12 weeks pregnant and suffering the worst of my morning sickness). But I wouldn’t trade the trip for the world.

Did we need to go to Europe? Absolutely not. We wanted to take the trip, saved diligently, and paid cash. I’m so glad we worked so hard to save, and we’ll remember the trip for the rest of our lives. In my last post, I wasn’t saying that we should only ever spend money on necessities. I just think it’s important to recognize which luxuries we choose to spend money on, and draw a clear line between what’s necessary and what’s nice to have.

I’ve spent the last couple days editing photos (finally), I can finally share the pictures with you! I’m not looking my best, unfortunately, as I was quite ill. But there are lots of pretty buildings and scenery.

The photo below is us at the top of Notre Dame in Paris. Somewhere behind Tony’s head is the Eiffel Tower. Unfortunately, the tourist who snapped the picture for us didn’t tell him. Boo.

Click here for the slide show. Happy Wednesday!

Luxury vs. necessity: Are Americans confused?

Over the weekend, I found this interesting study from Pew Research on a blog I read. Survey respondents were asked to rate how necessary different household devices are to their lives and whether or not they consider them to be luxuries.

Respondents answered the question “Do you pretty much think of this as a necessity or pretty much think of it as a luxury you could do without” for the items on the right. I find the results shocking.

I wasn’t surprised to see that 86 percent of people consider their car to be a necessity. Depending on where you live, it can be pretty difficult to get around without a car. It’s sad to me that more communities haven’t embraced public transportation, but since I now live in one of them, I have to admit that our (one) car is pretty much a necessity for us. Without it, my husband wouldn’t be able to get to and from his job, which pays the rent and buys us groceries.

I was surprised, however, to see that more than half of respondents rated their home air conditioning and clothes dryer as a necessity. Really? Don’t get me wrong, I love air conditioning as much as the next person (especially now that I’m pregnant), but I also recognize that it’s one of the most decadent luxuries we enjoy in this country.

I’d say the same for my clothes dryer. Is line drying convenient? Not always. But it is something that everyone can do. And if you’re not willing to line dry, chances are you live near a laundromat.

I’m equally shocked that 47 percent of people think their cell phone is a necessity, 45 percent of people don’t think they couldn’t live without a microwave, 42 percent think their television is a necessity, and 21 percent even consider their dishwasher a necessity. And don’t even get me started on the 23 percent who think cable TV is a necessity or the 10 percent of people who can’t live without a flat screen TV. That is insanity.

These numbers show just how confused a lot of people in this country are when it comes to what they really need. I’d consider pretty much everything on this list a luxury. Do these things make life easier for us? Yes. By definition, that’s what luxuries do. They make life easier and more comfortable. But we don’t need them to survive.

It’s scary to think that so many people are confused about the difference between what’s necessary and what’s convenient. For necessities, we have no choice but to find a way to afford them. Things like food, clean drinking water, shelter, and medical care. But when you believe that things like air conditioning and clothes dryers and cable television are necessities, it’s harder to give up these luxuries when money is tight.

What do you think? Do you find this poll as shocking as I do?

Chart courtesy of Pew Research

In which it metaphorically hits the fan

Remember a couple weeks ago when I wrote about my bad vet experience? I decided the best way to handle it was to share my experiences on an online reviews forum, find a new vet, and move on. And that’s what I did.

Except that appears to be only the beginning.

This morning, Tony let me sleep in a little. He woke me up a little before 10 a.m. The first thing he said to me: “Guess who just called? That vet. She’s angry about your review, and she called it ‘borderline defamation.'”

No, I am not kidding you. She found my review on Yelp, which was posted under the name “Karen.” She put two and two together, found Tony’s number in the patient information we filed with the office, and called to confront us. Except she didn’t want to confront me, the actual writer of the review. Instead, she wanted to argue with Tony about what his wife wrote.

Of course, Tony apologized and promised he’d control his wife better in the future. Oh wait. No. That’s what would have happened if this was 1953.

ANYWAY. Tony called her back once I was up. Because she refused to speak to me at first, and Tony hadn’t even read the review, she read the entire thing to him on the phone. All eight paragraphs. She claimed that my opinion was false, and threatened to consult a lawyer if we didn’t remove or edit the review to “reflect the truth.”

Of course, Tony reminded her that, by definition, opinions cannot be false. He stood by me and the review, and argued our point articulately. And believe me, I know better than anyone, this man can argue.

But he’s also civil and calm (one of the reasons he’s such a good arguer). I was dying to tell her exactly what I thought about her threats. Tony finally said, “Look, my wife is sitting right here. She wrote the review. You should really talk to her about it.”

First of all, she said to me, “I started my practice THE YEAR YOU WERE BORN.” (I’m assuming she got that information from my Yelp profile?) Seriously? Her argument was that I don’t have a right to an opinion on how they handled my dog, because I am not an expert like she is. And, based on the comment about my age, I also don’t have a right to an opinion because I’m 25.

I’m not a vet. But I am a dog owner, and I have been since I was a small child. I didn’t write the review from the perspective of a veterinarian. I wrote the review from the perspective of a dog owner who was frustrated with what I felt was not an adequate level of care provided for my pet. I wrote the review from the perspective of a consumer, because that’s how review sites work.

Here is where I should probably remind you that I’m 5 and a half months pregnant. And it’s August. I’m hot, I’m crabby, and the last thing I need is someone telling me I’m too young to have an opinion. But I calmly told her I won’t be threatened or pushed around, and I feel it’s incredibly unethical for her to threaten to sue us just because we were unhappy with her service.

What this vet didn’t know when she called us is that we both have a background in journalism. We are passionate about the First Amendment and educated on libel laws. My husband listens to Supreme Court arguments on his iPod. For fun. We won’t be bullied into removing or editing the review in a way that compromises our First Amendment rights.

Of course, I hope this is the end of it. I hope she doesn’t try to take us to court. We certainly don’t have the money to pay a lawyer right now. But I’m not taking down my review, and I’m prepared for the challenge if it comes to that. I believe strongly that consumers should have an outlet for their opinions about businesses, and they should be able to share their experiences with other consumers without the fear of being sued by an angry business owner.

Have any of you ever been bullied by a business for an online review? Do any of my kind, supportive readers have a law degree and want to give me an opinion on what to do next? Because all I know for sure is that it feels wrong to give in to this kind of bullying.

Happy place

Thank you so much for your encouragement yesterday. Sometimes I just need a reminder of how worthwhile all of the obstacles will be.

I’ll be spending the rest of the weekend dreaming of cool, clean autumn air, and reminding myself that this year I’ll finally get to experience the Indiana fall I’ve missed so much for the past three years. (Bonus: I’ll be much closer to my due date.)

I think it’s safe to blame the hormones

Vivid dreams are a side effect of pregnancy for which I wasn’t prepared. Most of the time, they’re wacky (like the other night when I dreamed that Michael Phelps towed my sinking cruise ship to shore, rescuing everyone on board). But last night, it was bittersweet.

In the dream, it was fall. Crisp, cool air replaced the stagnant, wet heat outside right now. Tony and I were going on a trip somewhere exciting. It was sunny and beautiful, and I felt well. I felt light and cheery and good in a way that my body hasn’t felt for, oh, about 5 months now.

When I woke up, it was a bitter reminder of the stark contrast between how my body feels now, and how I used to feel when my biggest complaint in the morning was that I didn’t feel like going to the gym. What I wouldn’t give to put in 3 miles on a treadmill now, but I feel too heavy, too sick, too exhausted all. the. time.

It’s not that nobody warned me. I witnessed my sisters as they endured 9+ months of discomfort during pregnancy. I knew I’d likely face the same fate. But I don’t think it’s possible to fully understand what will happen to you during pregnancy until you’ve experienced it yourself. I know I wasn’t prepared.

And yes, I know, I know, it’s all worth it. Unfortunately, when you’re pregnant for the first time, there’s no real frame of reference. Like pregnancy, parenthood is something that’s impossible to understand or grasp until you experience it. So for now, I’m feeling a whole lot of discomfort with only a vague understanding of what awaits at the finish line.

I am completely aware of how lucky I am. That’s why I’ve tried really hard to keep my complaining to myself. We decided we’d like to have a baby, and a month later I was pregnant. That alone is a feat considering how many people struggle for months and even years with infertility. So far, the baby is healthy and thriving despite my discomfort. I quit my full-time job pretty early in the pregnancy to begin a freelance career, so I won’t have to worry about returning to an office after the baby is born. And Tony is about as patient and forgiving as a husband can be, even when I don’t deserve it (especially when I don’t deserve it). He cooks and cleans and takes care of me on the days when I’m too sick to get up (and yes, I’m still having those days, even at 22 weeks).

I’m fully aware that I’m lucky, which is why I choose not to write most days instead of writing what I’m feeling. But the truth is, I struggle to feel grateful. I know I have much to be thankful for, but I’m human, and it’s hard to feel grateful after 5 months of what feels like stomach flu. It’s hard to feel grateful as I swell to twice my previous size. It’s hard to feel grateful as I struggle to sleep at night and concentrate during the day. I know it’s not supposed to be easy, but somehow the inability to feel grateful is the hardest part.

And then I feel guilty about it. I remind myself of how lucky I am, and I feel guilty because it’s so hard for me to appreciate it right now. It’s a vicious cycle, and I suspect that it will continue at least until the baby is born (and likely beyond).

Despite the guilt, I have to admit — I hate being pregnant. I know how sad this will seem to the many women who enjoy the whole process, but I am not one of them. It has been a roller coaster ride with fewer ups than downs, and although I’m barely halfway through it, I’m already counting down the days until it’s over.

I am miserable most of the time. I don’t feel like myself. I snap at my husband over the stupidest things. I shout at my dog for annoying me when all he’s trying to do is comfort me the only way he knows how. Lifting myself from bed in the morning feels like running a marathon; I feel so heavy, and my muscles and joints are so stiff. I’m constantly overheated. I’m depressed. And then there’s the continued nausea and constant pain, of course.

I can’t help but feel like I’m having some sort of allergic reaction to my unborn child. Thankfully, he seems to be doing fine, despite the fact that my body is rejecting his presence so violently.

So. Why don’t you tell me your favorite thing about having kids? Because I sure could use a reminder of why this will all be worth it in the end.

Photo by cglatz

A few things on my mind

Forgive me, but I don’t have a regular post lined up for today. I do, however, have a ton of things on my mind. So how about I share them?

I feel like I’m melting. It’s another 90-degree day in Indiana (as I’m sure it is in many other parts of the country), and the heat is 100 times less tolerable now that I’m pregnant. For the past three years when we were living in North Carolina, the temperatures were even warmer than they are here, and we lived on the third floor. Yet I was reasonably comfortable with the thermostat set on 78-80 degrees. Now it’s set on 75 degrees, and I’m so uncomfortable that I’m fighting the strong urge to turn it down to 70 and sit under a vent. I am counting down the minutes to fall.
I’m transitioning to a work-at-home schedule, and I’m slammed with work this week. I’m glad that there’s a lot for me to do right now, but it’s a lot harder to organize my time now that I don’t have clear boundaries between the office and home. I’m working on it, but I think it’s going to be a struggle for the first few weeks.
Now that I’ve got a little more time on my hands (and we’re trying to save more money), I’m back into the drugstore game. I briefly tried my hand at couponing and drug storing a few years back (when I cleared out my coupon organizer, most of them expired at the end of 2008), but it was kind of a flop. I just didn’t have the time or motivation to devote to it. But it went really well this week! In fact, I got all this for $25 today. And we went ahead and subscribed to the Sunday edition of the local paper so we don’t have to worry about running out to pick it up every week. (It’s also about $1 cheaper per issue than the newsstand price.) Here’s hoping I can stick with it this time.
For the first half of my pregnancy, I didn’t have a hard time giving up all of the things I’m not supposed to have. Now, though, I’m missing Diet Coke pretty desperately. I wasn’t even drinking that much of it in the months leading up to the pregnancy, but for some reason I’ve been craving it lately. Even though I know a little caffeine is okay at this point, I can’t bring myself to ingest the aspartame. And sadly, sugar sodas just don’t cut it. Harumph.
A mix-up at the post office has led to all of my in-laws mail coming to our address. This is the second time the post office has screwed up mail forwarding for us in the past three months. Ugh.

In short, I’m in a bit of a funk. What’s new with you?