Category Archives: Life

What not to say to a pregnant lady (or any lady for that matter)

I’m going to try really hard not to rant. We’ll see how it goes.

I will be 34 weeks pregnant tomorrow. THIRTY FOUR. My mom gave birth to my two older sisters — both perfectly healthy with no preemie complications — around 36 weeks. When I think about that, it kind of blows my mind.

As uncomfortable and huge as I feel, the possibility that I could have this baby in 2-3 weeks sort of makes me panic. I’d be happy if he came in about a month. I’m sure I won’t be any more prepared in an extra two weeks, but right now, that sounds reasonable.

That said, I’m not looking forward to another month or two of pregnancy.

It seems the baby and my belly have undergone a pretty extreme growth spurt in the past few weeks. Suddenly, everyone feels compelled to comment on my size. And can I tell you? NOT COOL.

I’m already lumbering around feeling like I have a 20-pound medicine ball under my shirt. I’m uncomfortable. My mid-section and lower back ache constantly from the strain on my muscles. I’m crabby, and I’m not getting any sleep because I toss and turn trying to find a comfortable position for the aforementioned medicine ball strapped to my stomach.

The number on the scale is way higher than it’s ever been in my life, and my body image is at an all-time low. I think every pregnant woman goes through a period where she sees pictures of herself pre-pregnancy and feels compelled to weep in mourning of her formerly fabulous body (no matter how unhappy she was with her body before pregnancy).

So guess what I DON’T need to hear right now? The following comments:

“Wow. SEVEN weeks left? I don’t believe it. Please tell me there’s more than one baby in there.”

“I don’t think it’s possible for you to get any bigger.”

“You look like you’re ready to pop.”

“THAT looks uncomfortable.”

I have actually heard every single one of those comments in the past few weeks from strangers and even well meaning friends and family.

Depending on my mood, who the commenter is, and my level of crabbiness, I’m usually able to muster a reasonably polite response. The CVS cashier who insisted I must be having twins because I’m WAY too huge to be carrying one baby received a bit of a sassy retort. (“No. So nice of you to say that, though.” *death stare*)

Honestly, though. I know I’m not the first person to say this, but what in the world makes people think it’s okay to comment on a pregnant woman’s size? When is it EVER polite to comment on someone’s size? Answer: never. Never ever ever.

While I’m on the topic, guess what else is not okay? Groping a person’s stomach. Unless you’ve been given direct permission, keep your hands off. It may look like a beach ball, but it is a part of my anatomy, and I’d rather you didn’t man handle me.

The bigger I get, the more personal space I require. Unfortunately, there is an inverse relationship between my size and the amount of personal space the general public is willing to allot to me.

I guess I couldn’t resist the urge to rant a little after all. But seriously. Keep your hands off my belly, and shut your trap about how enormous I look. Thank you.

Photo by cglatz

This is where he’ll sleep

Last week, the crib and nursery furniture finally arrived. Over the weekend, my mom was kind enough to come for a visit to help Tony and me FINALLY set up the nursery. The baby could be here as soon as a month from now, so I was anxious to get his space set up.

And now, a tour.

This is the dresser where we’ll keep the metric TON of clothing we have for him. The items on top of the dresser are favorite stuffed animals from when Tony and I were kids. I carried that teddy bear around with me for YEARS, and unfortunately, he’s in need of some repair after several run-ins with my family’s Great Dane. Tony’s elephant, however, is in pristine condition. I imagine he lovingly spot cleaned it each night before tucking it into bed. As for the airplane, it was built and painted for Tony by his grandfather, and I am in love with it.

To the left of the dresser is the manly diaper bag we chose so Tony won’t be emasculated while carrying it for me. To the right, the Boppy pillow I can’t wait to use. There’s also a giant photo collage frame behind the dresser that I’ll eventually do something with.

To the right of the dresser is the crib. It’s incredibly simple, which I love. No drop sides, of course, and no frills. The bumpers will be removed before the baby actually sleeps in the crib, but I’m enjoying them now while I can.

His bedding (affiliate link) is absolutely adorable, even though I know he won’t really be able to use the fluffy comforter.

To the right of the crib is the changing table, which I’m using predominantly for diaper storage. Right now the changing pad is holding a bunch of miscellaneous toys and bath things that don’t have a place yet. The middle shelf is currently holding cloth diapers, diaper covers, and small items like nail clippers and teething rings and things. The canvas storage bins came from Walmart, and they’re so cute and functional. The bottom shelf has our stash of disposable diapers (about a month’s worth), which he’ll wear for the first few weeks until he’s big enough to fit into his cloth diapers.

You can’t really see it, but the view from the window is a pretty little creek where several deer live (one of whom has only three legs). I can’t wait to see how pretty it is when it’s covered in freshly fallen snow.

We moved an old bookshelf into the closet for extra shelving. It’s currently holding blankets, extra crib bedding, towels, pajamas, and new clothing that need to be washed before he can wear them. Not pictured: three giant boxes of clothing sorted by size from 0-3 months to 12 months from Tony’s garage sale-ing grandmother. It’s organized so I’ll easily be able to find what I need as he grows into new sizes.

Since our apartment is pretty small, we have nowhere else to keep our giant bookshelf. So the baby will be sharing his room with books. This makes his English professor father endlessly happy.

And now my favorite part of the nursery. Tony has always been a huge fan of the “Calvin & Hobbes” comic strip by Bill Watterson. He has several best-of compilation books that he kept from his childhood. I asked him to choose four or five of his favorite Sunday strips (since they’re bigger and in full color) to frame for the baby’s room. We cut them out of the books, and Tony carefully matted and framed them using $5 frames. The fourth one is the final comic strip in the series. I absolutely love how they turned out.

It’s such a relief to have everything ready for him. I can’t wait to bring him home!

Finally done shopping for baby

For the past four months, I’ve spent a lot of time researching, second-guessing, and making decisions about what we need, what we want, and what brands/models/sizes of each item we should buy for the baby. It seems like every item from the big stuff like the car seat and the crib to little things like bottles and diapers comes with at least 20 questions before you can make a decision. Oh, and you better not make the wrong decision, or YOUR BABY WILL DIE.

You may think that washcloth is perfectly safe, but no. According to Internet forums or Consumer Reports or whatEVER, it is the most dangerous thing you can possibly have around your baby. You might as well just blow cigarette smoke in your child’s face if you plan to use that washcloth.

No, I was never actually told that a particular washcloth could endanger the baby. I am exaggerating. But still! I felt like every little decision we made was life or death.

Today I made our final pre-birth purchase: the crib mattress. I’ll spare you the details, but let’s just say I spent the better part of four hours browsing retail sites, reading reviews, and researching my options. But I finally made a decision, placed the order, and we are DONE shopping.

I’m so relieved to say that part is finally over. The crib will be here by next week, our diaper stash is complete, and the car seat is just waiting to be installed. Our incredibly generous friends and family gifted us with everything from the Pack n’ Play to a zillion adorable clothing items. In short, I feel like we have all of the stuff we could possibly need for this baby.

Does that mean we’re ready? Not by a longshot.

We have about a hundred loads of baby clothes, blankets, and diapers to wash. We have nursery furniture to assemble. Well, first we have to clear some space in the nursery for the furniture to fit, which is going to require several hours of cleaning and organizing. This weekend will be devoted to clearing junk out of the baby’s room, and next weekend we’ll be assembling furniture. We have cooking and cleaning and packing to do. And then there’s the small task of actually delivering the baby without pain medication. You know, little stuff.

Despite the fact that everything is coming together nicely, I still panic when I remind myself that we could be meeting this baby in as few as, oh, 30 days. I will be 37 weeks — which is considered full term — in THIRTY DAYS. He may decide to show up around my due date in 51 days. Or he may be stubborn and arrive in 65 days. That’s a nice wide margin, huh?

I’m hoping he’ll arrive somewhere between 30 and 50 days from now, so I’d like to have everything ready in about a month. Yikes. That is so soon. Excuse me while I go freak out now.

Photo by danielflather

Break for gratitude

Now more than ever I need to remind myself that as challenging as my days can be lately, I am very very lucky. Instead of complaining today, I’m affirming all of the reasons that I have to feel thankful on the day after my 26th birthday.

  • A medically uncomplicated pregnancy, and the healthy baby boy who will result from it (eventually).
  • My wonderful husband, who is working so hard to provide for us and take care of me on the days when I’m feeling particularly ill.
  • The incredible kindness and generosity of the friends and family who attended our baby shower this weekend, and the bounty of much needed baby items they brought for us.
  • Central air conditioning to keep me cool despite the 85-degree heatwave we’re experiencing in Indiana. (If I wasn’t pregnant, I would tough it out with fans and open windows. Sorry, electric bill. You’re just going to have to deal with a couple days of air conditioner use in October.)
  • The imminent and much anticipated arrival of fall and winter in the Midwest. I’ve missed it so much for the past three years, and I’m so glad I’ll finally be here to enjoy fall foliage, crisp air, and snow.
  • My parents, my sisters, Tony’s family, and our friends for providing us with the support network we missed so much when we were living 800 miles away.
  • Howie, the best dog in the world.
  • My blog readers, who have been so incredibly helpful with tips, encouragement, and inspiration over the past 2 years.
  • Generic Zantac, the midwife-approved medication that is keeping my reflux (somewhat) bearable in the final weeks of this pregnancy. I don’t like taking medication while pregnant, but the Zantac is much more effective and much preferred over 20 Tums a day.
  • Plentiful freelance work that will help us replenish our emergency fund.
  • Pumpkin-shaped Reese’s peanut butter cups.
  • Mid-day naps.
  • Thanksgiving, which is rapidly approaching.
  • Only 58 days until my estimated due date. I don’t know for sure that he’ll be here by then, but it feels good to know the end is getting so close.

I’m trying really hard to focus on the positive today. Why are you grateful?

Photo by wenzday01

Tick tock

This week has been … challenging.

After several weeks of feeling relatively okay (compared to the first 6 months of my pregnancy), I was suddenly stricken with nausea the likes I haven’t experienced since early in my first trimester. My midwife says it’s perfectly normal for some women to experience a resurgence of “morning” sickness in the final stages of pregnancy. And of course after my 6 months of nausea in the beginning, I’m one of the lucky women who gets more nausea at the end. Yay me!

All I wanted was to lie around listening to sad music and feeling sorry for myself. But unfortunately, I was up against a deadline for a huge freelance project. So this week has been full of stress and sickness and working anyway. Boo.

This week also marked the beginning of our hospital childbirth class. Since I’m planning an unmedicated birth, I was really nervous about the hospital class. Several natural birth resources advised me to skip it, saying it would only pump my head full of fear with talk of pain and pain medication and C-sections. We decided to take the class anyway, because I wanted to know what I’m up against. If my hospital wasn’t going to be natural birth friendly, I wanted to prepare myself.

I was so relieved to discover that everything I heard about hospital birth classes couldn’t be further from the reality of this class. The hospital I’ve chosen is incredibly natural-birth friendly. One of the few in my state certified baby-friendly based on guidelines set forth by UNICEF and the World Health Organization, the hospital I chose has an astonishingly low epidural rate (under 40%!). So far the class has focused on natural pain management techniques. I’m sure we’ll discuss medicinal approaches at some point, but they don’t seem to assume that every woman will show up looking for the drugs.

Because they’re baby friendly, most of the hospital’s standard policies are also very natural-birth friendly. Their policies combined with my midwife’s low-intervention approach makes me very optimistic about my birth.

My friend Kacie, who’s due with her second baby in December, posted her to-do-before-baby list on her blog today, and it reminded me just how little time I have left. My due date is in roughly two months. I still have diapers to buy, freezer cooking to do (thanks for your suggestions, by the way! I’ll be writing more on that later), deep cleaning in my apartment to tackle, and a baby quilt to finish.

Oh! And then there’s the tiny little task of setting up the nursery, which we haven’t even begun. It’s going to be a busy couple of months, for sure. Once I finish a major writing project that I’m working on, I’m thinking I’ll take some time off from freelancing to prepare for baby and rest up. I just hope my body cooperates, and I don’t lose too many days to nausea.

Despite the long, grueling week that’s almost behind me, there’s a light at the end of it. This weekend we’re headed to my parents’ house to celebrate my baby shower and my birthday on Sunday. I’ll be 26 years old. Eep. The second half of my 20s! Where has the time gone?

Photo by faerie-dust

An important public service announcement about your tires

When we were in Europe, we left our car parked at my parents’ house for two weeks. My dad was kind enough to get a nick in our windshield fixed for us. When he was driving the car, he noticed that the steering wheel was shaking at 65-70 mph. We’d noticed this, too, but between the hectic move and rushing around before our big trip, we’d put off doing anything about it.

When we came home, my dad warned me that he suspected the front alignment was off. He recommended that we get it checked out. My dad worked as a mechanic for several years when he was younger, so he knows his stuff. I made a mental note to take care of it.

Fast forward four months. It’s been a very busy four months. Between the baby and the move and everything in between, we put off taking the car in.

We’ve also done a lot of driving in the past four months. With the move and visits to family and friends all over the state, we put several thousand miles on the car since May. We’ve had the oil changed since then, but I admit we’ve neglected to check our tires regularly.

This weekend we drove about 3 hours south to visit Tony’s family. On Sunday when we were getting ready to leave, my father-in-law noticed that the front passenger tire looked funny. Upon closer inspection, he realized that it wasn’t just worn: the front tire was pretty much completely bald. (!!) It was purchased at the same time as the front driver’s side tire, which was nowhere near as worn. This confirmed what my dad had told me four months ago: we had a serious alignment problem.

Since it was Sunday evening, we were three hours from home, and Tony needed to be back this morning for work, we didn’t have a lot of options. We have a tiny temporary spare, but it shouldn’t be used for more than 50 miles. We were over 100 miles from home. So Tony and his dad swapped the bald tire with one of the rear tires. Our car is front-wheel-drive, so we figured it was safer to put the bad tire in the back.

We made the trip home very carefully, driving under 55 mph the whole way to avoid blowing the tire. Thankfully, we made it safely.

Today I took the car to the shop. The alignment only cost $40 — less than half the cost of replacing the bald tire, which was $90. It took 15 minutes. I am kicking myself for putting off such a simple thing. If I’d listened to my dad and taken the car in to get the alignment fixed four months ago, we wouldn’t have had to replace that tire so soon, and it would have saved us almost $100. Doh.

We were also very lucky. In the past month, I’ve taken several trips out of town by myself for a friend’s wedding and a funeral just last week. That tire was dangerously close to blowing completely, and if it had happened when I was by myself two hours from home, I have no idea what I would have done.

There are few morals here:

  • Have your alignment checked as part of standard maintenance. We had the oil changed Saturday before we left. Not only did they not notice the bald tire (which honestly surprises me), but they didn’t check the alignment. It’s a simple thing to do every few thousand miles, and it can really help lengthen the life of your tires. But it’s not part of a standard oil change, so you have to ask them to do it.
  • Check your tires frequently! I am embarrassed that we got on the road for a three-hour trip without at least glancing at the condition of our tires. To be fair, we did get the oil changed that day, and we were told the tires were fine. But they only checked the tire pressure, not the tread. Not only should you check the tire pressure and look for standard wear, but also check for leaks, bubbles, nails, and anything else that could compromise the safety of your tires.
  • Listen to your dad. He probably knows what he’s talking about.

Photo by milesgehm

Sad day

Unfortunately, I don’t have time to write a new post for today. An old friend’s 3-year-old daughter lost her battle with cancer on Friday, and I’m hustling to get caught up on freelance work today so I can attend the funeral service 4 hours away tomorrow.

The friend and I haven’t been close for several years (we were college roommates), but I am heartbroken for her and her family. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

And please consider adding St. Jude Children’s Hospital to the list of charities to which you contribute. It’s the hospital where this little girl was initially treated, and they are a not-for-profit research hospital. Thousands of children are treated there each year regardless of their family’s financial situation, and St. Jude conducts life-saving research to seek new treatments for childhood diseases. If you’d like to give, you can donate here.

Become a fan, write a post, feed a dog #dogsrule

I know I’ve posted this picture before, but it never gets old for me. This is my dog, Howie. This is the photo taken by the shelter that made us fall in love with him and decide to adopt him. Isn’t he so stinkin’ cute?

That was three years ago, and he’s brought nothing but joy to our lives since then.

I’ve always been a dog lover, and shelters and animal rescue organizations are some of my absolute favorite charities. Dogs are the most loyal companions, and they count on us for survival. Millions of shelter dogs don’t have an owner looking out for them. Since Howie is a shelter dog, the cause is even closer to my heart now. That’s why I’m participating in the Pedigree Adoption Drive campaign!

To raise awareness about shelter dogs and encourage people to adopt a pet from their local shelter, Pedigree is donating dog food to shelters around the country. And the best part is, it’s so easy for you to participate. Here’s how:

  • Visit the Pedigree Adoption Drive page on Facebook. Click the “like” button.
  • Pedigree will donate 8 oz. of dog food for every person who “likes” the page.

Isn’t that easy? It costs you nothing but a moment of your time.

If you’re a blogger, you can help even more by spreading the word with a post about the campaign on your blog. Pedigree will donate 20 POUNDS of dog food to shelters for every blogger who writes about the campaign on their blog. That’s enough to feed a dog like Howie for almost a month.

For more information and the guidelines for participation, visit this blog.

#dogsrule

Transitioning to a work-at-home career

Back in May, when my husband finished graduate school, we made the decision to move closer to our families. I quit my full-time job as an internet marketing specialist and copywriter at a web design company, we packed up our 2-bedroom apartment, and headed to Indiana.

Since I was already about 8 weeks pregnant at the time, we decided that my husband would be the primary earner and I would seek money-making opportunities from home. My field is well suited to freelance and contracting work, and staying home will make things easier when the baby comes.

Four months later (really? FOUR months?!), I’m just now starting to get into the swing of things. As you can imagine, working from home is significantly different from working in an office for someone else. Here are the main pros and cons I’ve encountered so far.

It’s a lot more convenient.

The ability to set my own schedule has been invaluable as I’ve faced a rough pregnancy. Some days I don’t feel well enough to work until after noon. This would be a serious problem if I was employed by someone else, and it would involve calling in, using sick time, and perhaps being reprimanded or fired if it became a regular occurrence.

Now I simply adjust my work schedule to meet my needs. If I don’t start working until noon, then I most likely won’t finish for the day until 8 or 9 p.m. If I have errands to run in the middle of the day, no problem; I take care of them when it’s convenient for me. When I have a doctor’s appointment, I take a couple hours off. And let’s be honest, sometimes pregnant ladies just need a mid-day nap.

It’s also more responsibility.

When you work for someone else and the workload is low, you still get paid. You may spend a day or two organizing files or working on other projects until work funnels in, but your paycheck will come. That’s not the case when you work for yourself. I’m now the sole member of my sales staff, and if I don’t find work, I don’t get paid. I’m no good at sales, so this has been a challenge for me.

The other big issue? Health insurance. Ugh. Right now, I qualify for good coverage at a surprisingly reasonable premium through COBRA. That will run out in October 2011. My husband’s current job doesn’t offer health insurance, so if he doesn’t find full-time work with benefits before then, I may join the legions of uninsured workers in this country.

Also: taxes are no fun when you’re self-employed.

It’s tough to stay motivated.

Some days when I’m feeling particularly crappy, it can be really tough to get out of bed and get to work. With no one to answer to but myself, it’s a little too easy to procrastinate. I sometimes end up days away from my deadline, sweating bullets to get the project finished and wishing I’d just stuck to my work schedule to get it done.

I don’t miss office politics.

My least favorite part about working in an office was the gossip, clashing personalities, and office politics. I love that I don’t have to deal with that anymore. I also don’t have to pick up the slack for other people’s laziness, fix problems created by co-workers, or do my job according to someone else’s protocol. I love having the freedom to do my job the way I see fit, only answering to myself and my clients.

But I do miss office camaraderie.

I miss the occasional lunch out on a nice day, the holiday parties, and commiserating about difficult clients with my teammates. With my husband gone six hours a day, it can get pretty quiet and lonely around the apartment.

The pay isn’t so hot (yet).

When I started my last full-time job, there was definitely room for growth in my salary. But I had full benefits, including paid holidays, health insurance, and vacation time. Since I started on the low end of the pay spectrum, my employer was generous with raises. By the time I left, I was pretty happy with my salary.

Now that I’m just starting out in my freelance career, I find myself taking jobs at a lower rate than I’d like because the competition is stiff and I’m relatively inexperienced as a consultant. I’m also still working out the kinks when it comes to estimating the time each project will take. Sometimes, my hourly wage is pretty sad — especially since I receive zero benefits. But there’s potential for growth, and working from home offers me lots of other perks, so I’m hoping it’ll turn around.

Despite the challenges, I love being self-employed.

Overall, I’m really happy with my decision to work from home. I honestly can’t imagine handling a full-time job once the baby comes, and knowing that I don’t have to deal with daycare and other working mom issues is a huge relief for me right now.

However, I should caution you, if you’re planning to make this move yourself: save, save, save. If we didn’t have a healthy savings account, the last four months wouldn’t have been possible. My husband just started his job (we still haven’t received his first paycheck), and since I’m just starting out, my income is sporadic. There’s no way we could have survived the summer without our emergency fund.

Since my income is so sporadic, we’re not including it in our regular budget. Everything I make will go toward replenishing our emergency fund. I recommend living off your spouse’s income for a while when you begin your freelance career, otherwise you could end up in financial trouble if your workload dies down or your clients are slow to pay you.

Photo by Damon Duncan