Setting boundaries to maintain my sanity

With everything that’s happening right now, I’ve been more than a little overwhelmed. I’ve been thinking of ways to cut down on stress and make time for the things that relax me.

The line between work, home, and work-at-home has become too blurry. Chores around the house are being neglected, and I feel like I’m constantly “on the lock.” I’ve decided to set some boundaries for the next couple months to keep me focused and give me time to chill out.

No laptop in bed.

One of the things I miss most when life gets hectic is reading fiction. When I’m stressed, nothing is more relaxing than forgetting about my to-do and immersing myself in a book. Stress also leads to insomnia for me, especially when I’m working right up until I try to sleep. Reading before bed calms me and takes my mind off the stress in the moments before I sleep.

Solution: I’ve banned myself from bringing my laptop to bed with me. For the past week, I’ve been forcing myself to read instead of work or plan, and it’s definitely helping me sleep better and relax a little in the evening. It also gives me an opportunity to spend time with my husband without our laptops between us.

Set time limits.

Since I work full time throughout the week, I do the bulk of my personal planning and projects on the weekends. Since the weekends are my only chance to relax, working too much on Saturday and Sunday cuts back on my “me” time. I feel like I spend all morning working and the afternoons are eaten up by errands and household chores.

Solution: Weekend days are now “work days” with the same limits. I work 8:30 to 5:30 on the weekdays, so why should I be on the clock non-stop on Saturday and Sunday? I’ll spend weekend mornings planning, writing and working until 2 p.m. From 2 to 5:30 p.m., I’ll get household chores done, but the weekend evenings are mine to relax, exercise, and spend time with Tony.

I’m making myself and my family a priority.

I think we all have a tendency to put what we can on the back burner when time is limited. That means that the things and people we love most often get the shaft. I’m definitely guilty of this. If I’m busy, my work out is the first thing I cut. After that, I’m likely to sacrifice time with my husband if I’ve got a lot going on. But why should the things that are most important to me take a backseat?

Solution: The things that are most important to me are non-negotiable. I’m limiting “overtime” when it comes to personal projects. During the times that I’ve allotted to myself and my family, taking me time and being with my husband are the only things on my to-do list.

Have you set boundaries for your sanity? What would your rules be?

Photo by redvers

Slow & steady

Yesterday, I started week 6 of the Couch to 5K running program. I have to be honest: it’s still really hard. I don’t love running. In fact, I hate it more days than not. I’m bored and tired and every second feels like an eternity. But I set a goal, and I’m making progress.

Even though I started off in decent shape (I’d been working out regularly for over a year), running is a whole different ball game. On my first run two months ago, running for two minutes straight almost killed me. Monday night I was supposed to run 20 minutes straight, but I only made it 13 minutes before I had to slow down and catch my breath.

When I left the gym, I was beating myself up a little. I’ve been training for 8 weeks now (two of which I spent out of the gym because I was sick and then recovering from oral surgery). I want to be able to keep up with the program.

Then I reminded myself of how far I’ve come. Though I’m not advancing in the program quite as quickly as I’d like, I’ve increased my running time from 1 and a half minutes to 13 minutes. I’m running faster and longer. I’m finally losing weight again (only five pounds, but at least the scale is moving).

Most importantly, my training has made me more aware of what I’m putting into my body. My diet has been mostly healthy for the past five years, but I have a tendency to eat too much of the healthy foods we cook. Watching the calorie tracker on the treadmill as I push my way through my run has made me aware of how hard it is to burn off that extra serving of pasta.

It’s also a lot easier for me to resist the occasional temptation. When my entire office went out for Mexican food on Tuesday, I stayed at my desk and ate my Lean Cuisine. As much as I love unlimited chips and salsa, it’s not worth derailing my hard work.

I don’t know if it’s the 5K training or the extra push from the knowledge that I have to wear a bathing suit on our cruise in 2 weeks, but running has helped me accomplish my main objective: increasing my motivation.

In about 6 weeks, I’ll be running my first 5K. If I continue to train this hard, I should be able to run the whole race without stopping. Here’s hoping I can reach my goal.

Photo by cdm

How to stay relevant after turning in your resignation

Most people suggest a minimum of two-weeks’ notice when you decide to leave a job, and offering a little more notice if you want to leave your job on good terms. Due to extenuating circumstances, I ended up giving my current employer almost five months’ notice before leaving.

I don’t recommend offering this much notice, but an impending maternity leave in my department made me feel that giving my employer a lot of extra time to cover his bases was only fair — especially since I made the decision to move early. I felt it would have been dishonest to train to cover my colleague’s maternity absence when I knew I was leaving a month before her due date.

It can be very difficult to stay relevant in your position when your employer and colleagues know you’re on your way out. The last thing I want to do is coast, though. Not only would it make my last few months boring and unchallenging, it would jeopardize my positive reference by leaving a bad final impression with my office.

Here’s how I’m staying on top of my game.

Let your employer know that you’re not finished yet.

If you turn in your resignation letter early like I did, be sure to let your employer know that you’re committed to the job 100% until your last day. Not only did I write it in my resignation letter, but I told my employer face-to-face that it was important to me to finish what I’d started there, and that I still had a lot of work to do before my last day.

Set up your replacement for a smooth transition.

We all develop a personal organization system that works for us in our jobs, but sometimes your personal system can be difficult for anyone else to decipher. If you’re one of these people, spend some time reorganizing your files and creating process documents to make it easy for your replacement to hit the ground running.

Tie up loose ends tight.

Now is the time to not only finish all of the projects you’ve started, but take extra time to make sure everything is done perfectly. Don’t be tempted to “phone it in” as you approach your final day. Your laziness will be apparent once you leave, and it could lead to a negative reference even if you were a perfect employee until your resignation.

Take initiative on new projects.

You may not be the first person your employer considers when it’s time to start new projects, but take the initiative and remind him or her that you’re still a dedicated employee right up until your last day. If you have time to tackle something new, do it.

What are your suggestions for staying relevant in the final months or weeks before leaving a job?

Photo by saraab

Finding a luxurious (but frugal) splurge

A couple weeks ago, I stumbled on an amazing deal for a luxury that I wouldn’t normally pay for. A representative for an upscale spa in my city came into my office and left pamphlets for a promotion. The spa was offering four complete services in separate visits — a facial, massage, manicure, and haircut and style — for just $50 total.

Before I signed up for the promotion, I called the spa to get the details and make sure it wasn’t a scam. Sure enough, the promotion was a way to sign on new clients, and the services were pretty much full services. The only real difference was that the massage was 30 minutes, but the normal full-price massage is 60 minutes.

Now, I probably don’t have to tell you, but this deal is pretty amazing. For half the normal price of any one of those services, I was receiving all four in separate appointments. With all the stress of the move coming up, Tony convinced me to go ahead and treat myself. It’s unlikely I’ll ever have an opportunity to treat myself to spa services like this again at this price, so why not? I usually pay $35 for a haircut alone (it’s one of my few splurges a few times a year), so I’m paying an extra $15 plus gratuities for three extra services.

On Friday, I had my first massage, and I have to say, I definitely recommend it. It was relaxing, and the masseuse taught me some stretching techniques tailored to my specific muscle problems to help me fend off the neck and shoulder pay I’d been feeling at the end of my workouts.

Spa services are usually anything but frugal. It’s not uncommon for an upscale spa to charge $50-$100 for any one of the services included in my promotion.

It’s possible you can find a similar deal at a spa near you. Call around and see what kind of promotions local spas are offering new clients. In this economic climate, luxury service providers are taking a hit like everyone else. That’s why they’re likely to offer great deals to encourage people to try their services and hopefully return.

If you’re lucky enough to find a great discount, just make sure you give your provider a generous tip. They’re offering discounts because they’re facing tough economic times, so make sure you can afford to compensate them accordingly if you decide to take advantage of their discounts.

Photo by wanhoff

On accepting my own limitations

Lately, I’d give anything for an extra 12 hours in the day. Between full-time work, daily blogging, my book project, exercise, household chores, and spending time with my husband, there aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done. Add to that our travel plans and moving preparations, and I’m completely overwhelmed.

Then there are the projects that I want to do that I just can’t fit into my schedule — the books on my to-read list, the unfinished quilts that have collected dust for 3 years, the piles and piles of clutter that need to be cleared before we pick up and move again, the movies I’ve yet to see, and my poor dog who isn’t walked nearly enough.

I wish I had a solution, but honestly, I don’t. I love that I have such a varied list of interests, and I love that my busy schedule keeps me from ever feeling bored. But I hate the way it feels to see the book on my nightstand, and the bookmark that serves as a painful reminder that I’ve yet to make a dent in it. I hate the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach when I look at my guest room, crammed full of stuff that I haven’t even touched months. I miss having the time to do my favorite relaxing projects that I love — quilting and reading and photography.

It seems that the only solution is to give some of it up, but I can’t choose. So I end up back at the same place — struggling to balance the things that I must do with the things that I love.

As kids, we’re told that we can do it all. As adults, we face the tough reality that it’s just not possible.

How do you find a balance?

Feels like home

This year, my Valentine’s Day gift came a day early. We woke up to six inches of snow on the ground in our typically temperate beach town. It’s nothing compared to what we used to get in Indiana — or what the upper East Coast is currently digging out of — but we enjoyed a little piece of home on Saturday.

I’ve missed it.

Confession: I love my tax refund too much to correct my withholdings

No matter how much you know about money or how well you  manage yours, chances are there are things you do that you know are wrong, but can’t give up. For me, it’s overpaying taxes.

Here’s my confession: even though I’m married and file my taxes as a business due to various income sources, my tax withholdings are still set to the max.

I know it’s stupid. I know that my tax withholdings should be set so that I’m paying the right amount of taxes out of each check, owe nothing, and get no refund. I know that the smart thing to do is invest or save that extra money every week so I’m earning interest. I just can’t kick my tax refund habit, though.

The truth is, I don’t trust myself. Saving that money throughout the year takes a lot more discipline than letting the IRS hold on to it. Sure, my checks would be a little bigger every other week if my with holdings were set correctly, but an extra $200 a month can be frittered away so easily.

Earning interest requires putting every penny in the bank. That can be really difficult for someone like me who battles the evils of lifestyle inflation. I work hard to combat it, and for the most part I avoid major inflation, but when you’re living on a very tight income, it’s incredibly difficult not to add expenses as income increases. When that money comes in a lump sum, though, it’s a lot easier for me to commit it to savings or something purposeful.

We received our tax refund today, and it’s already been moved to savings to finish up our Europe fund and give us a pretty big head start on our moving fund.

I wish I had the self discipline to earn interest on that income all year, but in the end it would only add about $50 to my total. I know, $50 is better than nothing, but I can’t say I regret it. It’s unlikely I would save an additional $200 a month if my withholdings were set correctly. It would likely be spent on other things. Besides, nothing feels better than moving a big lump sum of money into savings and seeing my percentage increase overnight. Tax refunds are my personal finance guilty pleasure.

What about you? Do you like to get a refund every year, or do you set your withholdings correctly?

Photo by cbcastro

Two bank accounts = too much confusion

When I first switched to my ING checking account, I absolutely loved it. I still love my checking account with them. But we are finally experiencing some of the confusion I feared when we made the switch.

Because ING Direct is an electronic bank, our account must be linked to a brick and mortar bank. This allows us to cash and write paper checks. Aside from the occasional birthday check from my grandma, we rarely cash paper checks. Unfortunately, though, because of the timing of my husband’s paycheck and the way that ING’s paper check mailing process works, we still use our brick and mortar bank to write our rent check.

It’s been relatively easy for the past several months. Tony’s monthly paycheck is split up — the rent money is automatically deposited into our brick and mortar bank on the last day of the month, and the rest of his paycheck goes into our ING account. We write the rent check, give it to the landlord, and everything is fine.

This month I made a mistake, though. A few of our online bill pay accounts still have the account information from our brick and mortar bank. I must have selected that account accidentally when I paid a bill at the end of the month, because $100 of our rent money was deducted from the bank before the rent check cleared.

When I logged in to see if the rent check had cleared on the 2nd, I realized there wasn’t enough money to cover the rent. If the check cleared without enough money, we’d have to pay a $25 returned check fee.

It takes two business days to transfer money from ING to the brick and mortar bank, so there wasn’t enough time to transfer money in order to avoid a bounced check.

Luckily, I caught the mistake in time to make a cash deposit at the brick and mortar bank. Because the check hadn’t cleared yet, I was able to deposit cash into the account and avoid a returned check fee. The check cleared at midnight on Feb. 2 without a problem.

I learned a few lessons from this headache. First of all, I removed our brick and mortar account information from all of our online bill pay accounts to avoid selecting it accidentally again. From now on, I’ll also be checking our brick and mortar account to make sure I haven’t made any mistakes before I turn in the rent check.

This is the second big mistake I’ve made in as many months. Last month, I actually forgot to pay a bill (a first for me), and we ended up paying a late fee. I don’t know what’s up with me lately, but the biggest lesson I learned from this? I need to get on the ball. I don’t know if it’s stress from all the planning and changes ahead or what, but my lack of focus could end up costing us if I’m not more careful.

Photo by potteryandeverythingelse